Wreck Center

OK, so here it is. It's not all teddybears and gumdrop with me. I've got to rant for a second. If you want to be positive, you probably should just bypass this post and wait for the next one. But here it is. So, we live in the Riverton/Herriman are. A few months ago they finished the new J.L. Sorenson Recreation Center. It's about 70,000 square feet. Huge. Big giant pool, 6 or 7 racquettball courts, a bunch of cardio equipment, an oval track and about four full size basketball courts. Oh, and last and certainly least, a baby-girl collection of weights. No, I'm serious. They have all that cardio equipment, and from thence, you can walk into a little adjunct closet space that has two benches that are static, one squat rack, one adjustable bench for flies, and one static bench. There's also a Nautilus style central pulley and weights system for as to which watch yourself do inner-chest cross-overs. Here's the problem though, they jammed all that stuff into about a six hundred square foot area.

So, EVERYTIME I'm there, there are a few characters that are there. First off, there's "Giant Arms Guy". Giant Arms Guy usually has a goatee of some variety and a baseball cap on backwards. He also as it turns out has a 1995 Toyota Corolla (white???) and an abundance of time on his hands to watch himself in the mirror. The bad thing about Giant Arms Guy, is that he's busy watching himself, hoping you're somehow intimidated by his mere presence, and oblivious to the fact that living with your mom in your mid thirties, no matter how fit you are, isnt really all that cool. Giant Arms Guy loves to try to make you move for him to walk past, but a steely-eyed glare will more often than not get him to pretend at the last second he didnt see you and get him to step around you.

Then there's Teenage Boy Trio. Teenage Boy Trio are always monopolizing the bench press area. ONE of them knows a little about weights and it just dangerous enough to pass on all that knowledge to the other two who are nervously watching in the mirror "Teenage Girl Duo". Girl Duo has one girl doing something with her legs while texting, and the other girl keeping watch out for Teenage Boy Trio in the reflection of the reflection in the mirror.

Wait, there's more. Then there's Old Man with Baggy T-Shirt. He's really just sitting on some peice of equipment you want to get to, but watching the baseball game on the mini tv right in front of the other open piece of equipment that just became available. He's usually wearing thick spectacles from the mid nineties (gold rimmed??) and looks like he may be having palpitations.

Oh, and then my favorite of favorites. Loud Obnoxious Trainer Lady. She's about 45 and so damn proud of her abs that she figures she needs to yell at her poor client while sideways checking out her own fake boobs and her recently lipo-ed hips. I'm not sure why she's talking loud, other than she figures you paid 35 bucks an hour, she may as well yell at everyone within a 20 feet diameter.

If you're lucky, BYU/Utah Allumnist guy will come in. Hope it's U of U Allumnist. He actually spent a lot more time in the gym and a lot less time in the classroom, so he's actually there to workout. He's focussed and direct and usually gets out of your way. BYU Allumnist however, sort of walks around aimlessly, and is really talking to his buddy, about some legal case that he's working on, or more likely a theory on how to boost the gas mileage in his suburban. Oh, BYU guy will be doing curls with sweet and cute little 15 lb weights and will invariably be oblivous to your very presence and the fact that you actually need to get to the 40 lb weights for your own curls and his sweet little boyfriend is in front of the 70's that you need for your flies. Seriously GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Additionally, if you're there any longer than about 14 minutes, BYU guy will leave and go check on his wife and kids in the pool, but U of U Guy will remain in his current position testing the tensil strength of his (RED and WHITE) Under Armor shirt.

Oh, and my personal favorite! I ran into this guy the other day, "I'm Obviously Gay but My Wife Doesnt Realize It Guy". IOGMWDRIG was wearing a spandex wrist-length shirt, and a spandex tank top over the top, with little chicken arms and legs and a huge pot-gut. He also had a carefully coiffed and manicured flat-top hair cut which was obviously colored purposefully light red, so as to accentuate his eyes whilst he gazes lovingly on U of U Guy each time he makes a circuit on the track. Additionally, IOGMWDRIG stopped to talk to some poor 19 year old kid with more muscles than brains just quietly trying to do situps. Must have been an awkward conversation because the look on the kid's face was one of pure bewilderment as to why he had to stop him in the middle of his situps to ask him anything about...well anything.

Anyhow, what I want them to do is convert just one of those ridiculously wasteful basketball courts into an actual gym. Like, one with about 5 times the amount of equipment in our current weight room. It's just plain silly I tell you. I am so sick of waiting on all these people standing around and doing nothing. I actually have stuff to do, which I can't get to while you're on your cell phone texting or pretending you're not checking yourself out checking out Big Arms Guy who is only here to have you feed his ego just long enough for him to get home and drink 42 ounces of whey protein and eat a steamed chicken and a half a cup of rice.

I gotta go. Anyhow, that's my rant today. You ladies can feel free to close the door behind you. I have stuff to do. I just burned 550 calories on the eliptical and 16 calories in the weight room and my bacon, eggs and pancakes are getting cold.

I'm Out,

J