So, the past few weeks about once a week a couple of us get together and go play racquetball at the new Rec Center. I dont do really as well as I thought for a natural athlete as I've come to consider myself. Sure, I know you've heard of my legendary prowess as a basketball fanatic, and my frightening skills as a table tennis pro, but alas, it turns out I just plain suck at racquetball.
No, I realize you're sitting there, mouth agape, wondering how this can be. But it's so. In fact, I've not won a single game in five outings now. It turns out I can't hit the ball in either of the back corners. Nor can I recover it within two feet of the front wall, or one foot of the sidewall. It's the darndest thing.
So, I had to take a break for a minute, because our stupid computer (Dell Studio) cuts out on me without any warning when the battery gets low. It looks like you have a quarter tank of battery, but the sumbitch just cuts out and you loose whatever you were working on.
Where was I? Oh, so I just got back from the gym today. I wanted to tell you there are a couple more characters that I neglected to tell you about. One is, "Bantam Rooster Guy". Banty Rooster Guy is about 5'4" tall and will usually be wearing a weight belt (to bench press???) and he's wearing a sleeveless muscle T (mesh sides) and a goatee. Banty Rooster Guy honest-to-goodness thinks he's really all that. Oh, and by the way, he's usually Italian. He's got this New Yowkah attitude and doesnt realize that Homey dont play dat. I swear this guy intentionally walks within your personal space to somehow dazzle you with his black weightbelt (cinched down to 29" waist even though he's a 32") I've seen this guy before wearing jet black aviator glasses at pretty much every gym I've ever been to. What's funny is he weighs about a buck-fiddy soaking wet.
Additionally I ran into "I Shouldn't Be a Trainer Guy". This guy always wears a baseball cap slung low as though he's somehow in the military or something. He's got this darlin' lookin' little soul patch that he somehow believes some Mary-Jane Rotten....ahem...anyhow, he's about 24 years old and has somehow qualified to tell 50 year old ladies how best to do curls using 2 lb weights. If I was him I'd be embarassed to be honest with you. You're judged by the company you keep, and his clientel is not exactly inspiring me in my ability to over-come my own fatty-boy nature.
Stacey's favorite she just said is, "Obnoxious Skinny Girl". She's usually wearing sweats that say, "Juicy" or "Pink" on the butt and sort of just follows "I Shouldnt Be a Trainer Guy" around in his off-time when he's not on the clock. She pops gum at an alarming rate and ironically has a butt that you can see is going to fall the day she hits 26. I'm guessing she was a Mean Girl in school and her favorite movie is, "Legally Blonde 7". Like, oh ma gosh!
Anyhow, I'm of course all amped-up because I had a really good workout. I did the eliptical at level "OMG" for a half hour, then weights as long as I dared to avoid confrontation with the aforementioned Congressmen Weiners.
So, I guess to bring it all back home, of course I've got a load of improvement to make in my physical fitness goals. I guess my quiet loathing of some of my compatriots actually keeps me going to see whom I'll run into next go-round. I think it's actually comical how many dudes in the weight room actually no-kidding believe they're all that and a bag of baby carrots. Seriously dude, get over yourself. We're all working on something in our personal goals and your weight belt about to break loose and put an eye out actually keeps me coming back for more.
I only play racquetball once a week right now, because that's really all it takes to put my ego back in check. It can be discouraging to have three computer programmers and a kindergarten teacher school you as an Army Guy. By the way, remind me to tell you about Army Guy sometime. What an azz. Seriously.
Anyhow, you two keep reading and I'll keep up the veiled self-deprication and the quiet self-loathing at your expense.
Be good and enjoy your fiber bars. I know I wont.
Always,
J
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