OK, so here it is. I wanted to stay home today. I really did. My wife held on to me this morning (I mean, why WOULDN’T she??? I’m adorable after all.) and asked if there was any way I could stay home. I told her there wasn’t because I had to get some orders done for some kids mobilizing out this week. So, imagine my frustrations today, in trying to get into the program to cut orders, only to find that my “Java Enabler” was on a coffee break at….(checks his watch) 0715.
Yeah, so I called down to the “Help Desk”, I was Numero Uno in the queue. Good deal, I have a lot to do. Well the really cheery guy on the other end answered about eight minutes later and commenced to hooking me up with my morning Java. (Dad this is all computer talk. Mom, never mind, skip to the next blog entry). Anyhow, so Help Desk guy is SUPER cheery at first light so I let him ease me into this. So I let him take over my computer remotely. Which is kind of scary actually. Not that I have anything weird on here, other than pictures of me and a goat and some visqueen and a tub of orange jello, but other than that, pretty soft-core stuff really. So, Help Desk Guy, says, “Oh no problem, should update in about four minutes,” and off he drops the line. So four or five minutes transpire and of course, here we are again. It wants me to install some, “Add-on” with a really long number and “jsb” and blah blah blah. So I try to click on the program again, and I get the same error. Well about that same time, I had a conversation with my co-workers (see also, “subordinates”) as to who might be responsible for the Selena Gomez (teen idol) poster affixed to my door. It’s really nice and she looks hot and all, but she turned 18 about seventeen minutes ago, so I look like a weird old man. I mean, I’m practically old enough to be her distant friend from Utah with no familial ties or weirdness other than our modest age gap.
So I ring up the Help Desk, and of course I’m number tres in the queue now. So, fifteen minutes transpire, and I’m forced to do actual work on stuff I have been putting off to the last minute. So, about that time, someone calls with a question for the First Sergeant, and since I have his cell, and he’s required by law and honor to answer, we work through this other little issue.
Meanwhile, back at the Bat Cave, I’ve forgotten to scan and email the pay off for our second mortgage to the new first mortgage pukes. Yeah, they saved us about a point and over the next 30 years (we only had 24 left!!!) we could save upwards of 350 bucks. We could waste that on dance lessons for my son, or E-books that I’ll never have time to read, or hell, maybe even air conditioning for the truck that I drive to work in the 90 degree weather! (I’m a sacrificer. Not to mention a whiner and a showboat.) Heck, I’m such a good husband; I haven’t fixed the tie-rod ends on the truck, so that when I make a hard deceleration it pulls over into the lane immediate my left. Not exactly safe of course, but as long as momma never has a car over three years old, all is well in Zion. (I am laying it on thick here, this is hyperbole folks, and I love that dame and everything she stands for. Not to mention everything she lays down for. But that doesn’t concern you kids.)
Anyhow, so where was I??? ah yes. So the THIRD time that Cheery Help Desk guy calls me back, I am transferred over to Sergeant C____. Anyhow, he remotely looks through my files and pictures of your mom and my truck and then commences to fixing the Java deal. Well, it’s about 1030 now, and I get hungry exactly at 1100 hours. I’m like a clock that way. Anyhow, I hadn’t seen Stacey in almost 4 hours so I really thought lunch together would help her get through the rest of her day without me. Well, as it turns out, she does just fine without me, it’s more that the kids are at home and off track and she was seriously thinking about taking my son out back and thrashing him by 800 am.
So, we had some lunch at this BBQ Pit place here in town and I know she really enjoyed the view. Mostly because she was watching the door, and I was watching the bathroom door. Anyhow, so I get back and there’s a message on my machine …well, phone. So I ring it up and low and behold, the Help Desk Guys have handed me off to the, “Security Guys” for a closer look at my particular problem. So, Sergeant Z_____ calls me up and decides he wants to do a face-to-face and get down into brass tacks. Oh, it’s important also to note that I tried three machines on both scanner and fax options, but all of them had “Kerbo” errors, which means absa-smurfly NOTHING to me. So I can “Contact My Administrator” if I feel like it would do a damn bit of good on my own time. Anyhow so I brushed my teeth…yeah, I brush my teeth at work, what of it? Good oral hygiene is not just a good idea, it should be the law….anyhow, Sergeant Z starts in on my computer and just shy of 1430 (2:30 pm) he’s got her up and running! Turns out, and man are you gonna just laugh here….turns out that the Java they ‘pushed’ was for Java 24, whereas I had…*snicker* Java 23! I had the old version! Oh man, good times…gooooood times. Oh how fun they must be at parties these basement dwelling florescent light loving computer types!
Anyhow, so then I get into my “program” to start cutting orders. FINALLY at 1535 in the afternoon we are a, “go” and ready to just tear IT UP with this stuff. Yeah, no can do, they are in the wrong unit. Seems in the SIBX program the UIC that they were in hadn’t effected the transfers to the hoooji-whatsit and so-and-so isn’t in today so tomorrow would be a better option all the way around.
So, I actually accomplished about zip.point.shiz today and spent all day a doin’ it. I can’t win. But I did end up with a sweet autographed Selena Gomez poster and made one colonel happy. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) I also had BBQ Brisket, AND hush puppies (put your mind BACK in the gutter!) and…well I just feel darn good about trying it on anyhow. Well, in about 24 minutes, (who’s counting) I’m going to walk out into the heat of the afternoon and drive Big Green home and try not to kill a bus-load of nuns. Safety is my main concern. I know, it’s a habit of mine…(waaaaait for it…waaaaaaaaiiiit for it….) habit? Habit of mine…*ahem* anyhow, I just want to get home and see what destruction has taken place at Casa de Kenworthy. I imagine by now Olivia is taped to the ceiling fan and oscillating at an unhealthy rate. I imagine the cat has walked its way over the top of the plumb colored 2011 Honda Pilot, and I could almost guarantee that I’ll be asked to get Lexi off of Netflix because Selena Gomez and her crew are driving my wife insane with their ridiculous pre-teen humor.
I wonder if Suite Life of Zach and Cody is on later??? Anyhow, I gotta run. You kids try and find me on the Bangerter Highway. I’ll be the one drifting into the left inner-most lane each time the light changes. I can’t wait for the (W)Rec(k) Center today. I got some frustrations to get out. I sincerely hope, “Twenty Treadmills to Choose from but I Choose the Squeaky One Guy” is there. Friggin’ idiot. I should snap his little neck and put him in the small package for being so oblivious to his surroundings. Either that or I’ll hand him over to, “The Medicine Ball and Basketball Confusion Twins”. They too are oblivious to their annoyance and perhaps the three of them could get together and talk Mona Vie or Amway options.
I gotta go. Dont wait up.
Jon OUT.
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