Tulsa Time

You ever feel like something you have written is just not supposed to be read? Yeah, second time it's happened to me. I had this neat little packet of thread of conciousness text that was going in a real positive direction, then this little computer froze up on me. Anyhow, here are the hightlights:
1) Sick today still; 2) Need a change; 3) Cathartic understanding of self; 4) Interlaced humor; 5) Melancholy upliftment coupled with tie-in to a double entendre.

Anyhow, it was beautiful. You really should have read it. However, now it's lost to the world, and the ethernet. Suffice it to say, I'm home sick today, and I dont like being powerless. That's been the story of my life the past few months. Can't move forward, backward, side to side...can't move in a literal sense because of home values....just..stuck. Happy stuck, but needing a change stuck. I'm not sure I'm putting this down quite right. Dont misunderstand me. I absolutely love my life. I adore my wife (Just learned how to love her correeeeeeeeectly I may add)...I've got myissues....some of them far more deep-seated than I care to admit. But I'm working on it. You know? Life. Stuff. Things. I've had some major potentially life-altering decisions to make. But most of them have been internal. Deciding to take back that personal power. It's no fun to be responsible for your own emotions, actions and what-not. I liked it better when I took a personal vacation from responsibility. Never done that before.

I should start a new paragraph. Same thought, just..looks cleaner on the page...anyhow...I've been dealing with some pretty straight-forward, in your face adult stuff. I've had to rely on a Heavenly Father who knows the end from the beginning. I've had to learn to accept that there's some things you may just feel, but can do nothing about. It seems I was destined to be the amalgamation of hit ya in the gut country songs. I'm THAT guy. Seems that Patty Loveless knows me best. I aspire to be as solid as Don Williams. I got a little party in me, so Garth Brooks doesn't help...Johnny Cash, man, I wish I could get to his level of give-a-shiz. Man, anyhow, so...I'm working on stuff. Sometimes I dont know the top from the bottom. Sometimes I take fourteen steps back, and one step forward. I just keep telling myself to keep that one step forward in mind. All in all, I have no advice for you. I have NO idea what I'm doing here. Each day is a bright new challenge. Each day I have the potential to hurt my delicate wife and kids with the current self-discovery, or I can bring them close to me and beg their understanding for this weak man I've discovered underneath it all. I'm doing my best. But I need God's help for certain.

Anyhow, it's not all doom and gloom. I feel REALLY good. Yesterday I had some revelations (Not like, crazy stuff) and came to an understanding that there are things I can't stop, control, or even make sense of. But they just are what they are. Meanwhile, back at the bat cave, I can work on my own stuff. I can get a clearer picture. I've been thrown for a loop, for certain, but this whole sordid mess we call, "Life" is a hell of a ride. I love it. I love what I'm learning. I love the pain of falling off that horse, cause I know it means I'm expected to get back on. I'll be back tomorrow. I mean to work. But today, I'm going on back to Tulsa Time... Just me and Don. My baby said, I's crazy, my momma called me lazy..but I really had a flash this time...


I left Oklahoma drivin' in a Pontiac
Just about to lose my mind
I was goin' on to Arizona, maybe on to California
Where all the people live so fine
My baby said I was crazy, my momma called me lazy
I was goin' to show 'em all this time
'Cause you know I ain't no fool an' I don't need no more schoolin'
I was born to just walk the line

Livin' on Tulsa time
Livin' on Tulsa time
Well you know I've been through it
When I set my watch back to it
Livin' on Tulsa time

Well there I was in Hollywood wishin' I was doin' good
Talkin' on the telephone line
But they don't need me in the movies and nobody sings my songs
Guess I'm just wastin' time
Well then I got to thinkin', man I'm really sinkin'
And I really had a flash this time
I had no business leavin' and nobody would be grievin'
If I went on back to Tulsa time

Livin' on Tulsa time
Livin' on Tulsa time
Gonna set my watch back to it
Cause you know I've been through it
Livin' on Tulsa time

I love it!!!