Take on the Day

Alright kids. Huddle-up. So, here's what we're faced with. We sorta have to get something for the spousal-unit here for Xmas. I know, I know, in the past we've used the, "Hey let's go get something together, so I know you get exactly what you want." However, that's probably not going to cut it this year. We've had reminders of everything from a new wedding ring, a cruise, a generator, a new mattress set (which actually pays dividends), among other things. However, the out-and-out open dialogue involving potential gifts has done more to confuse than help.

Now I'm not sure what the budget is. $100? or $1000? Also, it may help to note here, NEVER tell your wife that you get money left over from travel-vouchers. That is, in the military, when you go TDY (Temporarily Divorced Yank) Uncle Sam may give you anywheres from $36 bucks to the most recent, $136 a day. Depending on the exotic nature of the locale. Anyhow, so of course, because I'm used to being whipped about the head and shoulders for spending more than $10 a day, I of course, am a little gun-shy about using all that and almost feel an apology is in order if I spend the actual $36. So, much like most well-trained married men, when TDY, I hit the local commissary/minimart and stock up on sundries and then eat one meal on the economy. Suffice it to say, I'm going to have some cash left over. But, see, chicks are sly. Wives more so. See, I have a slush-fund. An old account from my Navy days. Well, anyhow, each month, an allotment of $100 is deposited into said account. So after time, and losing my card, forgetting my pin, etc, it starts to accumulate. I told Stacey the other day to go out and buy some new clothes to the tune of $438.45, give or take a dime. Anyhow, that's because that's exactly how much is in the account. I did this because she looks so wonderful after doing her Charlean....no, wait..."Charlean" is an exercise regimine...anyhow, she's really made huge strides. As a husband the only thing you really truly understand is NEVER mention she should lose weight. You can only encourage and casually mention. NEVER look directly at it, much like the sun, it will burn your retinas.

Where were we? Oh, so I gave her the go-ahead to forge my name on a, "Check" (a peice of paper people used to use to as a promissary note) and reimburse the credit card for the aforementioned purchases. It would be important to mention here that two pairs of Robin Meade black boots (knee length) were purchased, about four shirt/blouse thingies, and some pants that actually fit correctly. Additionally some other stuff was purchased, but you kids dont need to worry your pretty little heads about that. Let's just say that we cancelled our, "Saltlakecityhelpwanted.com" add for a french maid. But you'll never guess it so stop trying.

So, anyhow, my point after all this rambling is that my little male brain gets confused, because all these accounts, all these hints, and no real concern on her part for either cashing my check (let alone writing one) nor pressure regarding the left over travel money has been exhibited. So, it's the damndest thing, but I'm wondering if we have just plain given up and decided to be just like every other red-blooded American and involve ourselves in deficit-spending, or should I be more careful and only spend the smaller portion? Now, I KNOW the answer to getting your wife a gift is NOT to get her the following practical gifts: 1) cover for the travel trailer; 2) generator for said trailer; 3) tire covers for the trailer; 4) new 6 volt batteries for the trailer. So, with that knowledge, then I can move on to less practical gifts. The mattress idea sounds good. She's complained since she was pregnant with Olivia that we have ruts in the bed. Of course, I assumed she meant LITERAL ruts, like graves with the ends kicked out, but it couls also mean sensual ruts, so I've not delved too deeply and just invited the maid over for tea and crumpets from time to time.

What was the subject again? Oh, so anyhow, now it's almost eight A.M. on Black Friday. Yeah, I really pulled a stupid last night and tipped my hat on intent to brave the crowds at Sears and look at a 40" flat screen. Our current T.V. is as old as most Chevy Chase movies and is in dire need of a power-button, surround sound, and no Wabbit Earwas. So, that then leads you to believe it might lean toward the "Practical". But the wedding ring thing is like $4k, which we dont have, on-account of selfishly I'm buying a septic tank next year for our cabin lot and frankly if she has a problem with that then the next little filly along will enjoy all that endless flushing if she dont want it. Know-what-am-a-sayin'??? Hm hmm? Anyhow, so I really have to close now, but I really only meant Sears because I was going to breathe in the beauty of the tool department, lightly run my hands over a new snowblower, caress a Toro Weedwacker (which I used to have before it was stolen) and maybe tell one of the kids, "NO!" to the idea of popcorn/roasted almonds cheering me on toward the, "10% Off When You Use Your Sears Card sign."

OK, anyhow, go about your day, dont start any fights, color inside the lines and I'll have a full report on my findings later on in the weekend.
Uh, awkward closings now so...

See ya.