Our Anniversary

Tomorrow I share my fourteenth wedding anniversary with my eternal companion Stacey. I would be remiss if I did not pour out my heart to her in thankfulness for the person she has become, and taught me to be. Tonight we watched the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Christmas Devotional. Such a wonderful message of joy and faith in our Savior. How much this time of year means to the world in celebration of His birth. I will not even attempt to recount the feeling which I felt this evening. However, perhaps you can empathize with me over what today was like.

Today I had drill. Just another weekend, another holiday, another birthday, another anniversary shared with the Army. I have been watching my Facebook, the continual reminder of our impending anniversary perpetually on my future outlook. Well something happened today. We had some very deep discussions regarding suicide preventions and some other very deep and profound subjects. This morning I was so worried about getting to work and making sure that the training was aligned, that I kissed my sweet wife. I sat on the bed next to her, tucked her back in and made my hasty departure for the headquarters building.

I arrived and worked feverishly to get the auditorium heated, the screen brought down, the volume and lights correct. Everything that would be necessary to provide a smooth transition for training for the Chaplain to discuss this solemn subject.

If you back up a few days, this entire week has been insane. I was ill on Monday, and by Thursday I had worked myself into such a lather that I was and probably still am five days further behind than when I started. Saturday morning was no different with a retirement ceremony, counselings, and other command responsibilities that you just dont care to know about.

So by today, I was set and ready for a face-paced morning, followed by a lax and easy Sunday morning. In fact, I think there's a song about it. Easy, like Sunday morning. Only it weren't so. By the time I finished with the briefing I ran back to my office to begin and had Soldier and senior officer alike in my office derailing my efforts to get where I should already be by virtue of work. I quickly opened my Facebook to send Stacey a message and panicked. I swear, and will always swear, that the "Reminder" section of facebook said, "Your anniversary with Stacey Kenworthy Today". Well I just about launched out of my seat at the idea that I had totally forgotten to even mention our anniversary to my bride. I jumped up and told the chief I was on my way out the door and he would see nothing but a vapor trail of me for the next hour.

I stopped at Harmons, quite in a dander. At the entrance of the store I found the flowers. Being a smart shopper I realized I could get seven more minutes of life out of the flowers if I went first to the card section and then back-tracked to the flowers. As I transited the rat-maze to the cards I was reminded of the fact that on not less that three occaisions I have in fact given the exact same card. Not in back to back years, but definately three times within the same decade. She laughs about it, but I say, "It's just how I feel. At least my story remains the same." Anyhow so I make it a point to find a card that I unequivocally have never set eyes on before. I find one in the "Wife Anniversary" section and then dart for the flowers.

Well, meanwhile back in the flowers my choices are slim There are some three-pronged..tall...orchid looking thingies, some sweet hydrangeas (nothing says romance like "Hydrangea"), some mums n' daisies, and some sad-looking roses. I did notice for a split second that I could buy the best part of the roses, that is to say, the petals, for a mere $2.99 a bag, but I elected instead for the double-digit arrangement with a smattering of purples and reds, a couple of those tiny little white ones and a super-duper looking rubberband.

Additionally, while standing at the register, I scanned for a "I-tunes" card. Nothing says, "You're the mother of my children, my eternal companion, my lover and my friend" better than $25 in Eminem and REO Speedwagon downloads. But, not seeing them, I elected instead for some gift cards to the White Trash House of Fish, that is the "Red Lobster". See, my beef with Red Lobster, is not the restaurant, nor the staff, and especially not the food. No my problem is actually my peers. The clientel. See, something about that fat lady with gout toting the oxygen on wheels and the guy wearing the Harley Davidson Do-Rag sorta bugs me. I just want to stand there, for the 38 minutes waiting for our table in peace. But no matter WHERE I stand, I'm constantly pushed and cajoled and backed up against that barn-wood by the confusion of similar folks speaking abnormally loud and NOT keeping their snot-nosed, mullet-wearing kids in check. I just hate it. But anyhow, Stacey loves the place, so I keep my mouth shut and take longer than normal parking the car. But I love my little Copenhagen Angel, so we keep going back to her favorite old haunt.

So anyhow, I got side-tracked. So I grab fifty bucks in cards deposit them into the card, wrote some mushy stuff and headed out with a sense of purpose and conviction.

Only the way home I checked my phone. Verizon never lies. I believe their clock is set to the U.S. Naval Observatory and updated via satelite as the vibrations of Cesium atoms dictate. So it's pretty spot-on. Anyhow, I am looking at my phone, and the date says, "December 5th". But, because I'm smart like that, I realize that my...er...OUR anniversary isn't until tomorrow. Meanwhile back at the Bat Cave, I've already texted to Stacey my intent to be home directly.

So I walk in the door, present her with flowers, and some lame excuse trying to cover why I waited 'till the second-to-the-last minute to get her something or think of her even. Well, to my great pleasure she got all misty-eyed and commenced to blubbering. Well, I should back up. See, it wasn't quite the picture I had envisioned in my head. As I walked in the garage, I saw her there. All sweaty. Just finishing her 45 minutes of Sweatin' to the Newbies. So, anyhow, her hair is pulled back in an unflattering fashion and she's got a nice bead of sweat going on her upper lip, back of her neck, forehead and ...elsewheres..

So, anyhow, I'm standing here, holding flowers, a day early and a dollar-short. She is so taken aback, that she wants a kiss from Papa Bear. I reluctantly move in, and give her the 50th Anniversary version of the kiss rather than the 14 year version. Anyhow, not sure she noticed. She was so taken aback that I remembered the day before the day before the Day That Will Live In Infamy. Yeah, Pearl Harbor Day. See, that's how I personally remember it. We celebrate our Anniversary just prior to a day that the Nation remembers with great sorry and off-set pride. Anyhow, I never forget, and thankfully, this year, TECHNICALLY, was no exception.


So, tonight as we wrapped up our day's events, and watched the devotional, I was so full with love for this time of year. Despite all the running around, the confusion, the stress, it really is my favorite time of year. The account of the Savior's birth, the promise of renewed hope and fait and the inherent knowledge of familial ties that span beyond this life were much needed for me.

I absolutely adore and love my beautiful wife. Each day she honestly gets more and more wonderful and beautiful to me. I am not making that up. It's true. See, this year has been out of control. We have had experiences that have nearly broken us. We have dealt with broken arms, stiches, challenges at work, vacations, in-laws, outlaws, and personal challenges that have nearly crippled our relationship. But we're surviving. But today, it's better than that. Surviving is no way to live. Thriving is a much better way to go. We've had frank and open discussions that have been so brutally honest that the very real danger of us moving on separately became a distinct and almost inevitable reality.

Today however, those challenges are minimized. I've found ways to treasure here that I have never before known nor taken advantage of. I've changed my own personal mindset about her capabilities, her intent, her intentions and basically everything I had previously considered her to be.
My wife has met and exceeded every single possibility that I had ever imagined. I've found a love and conviction for her that I'm frankly embarassed had not existed before. See, the sad thing, is she knew it all along. She was just waiting for me to catch up, and learn it for myself. She never waivered. She never had internal challenges. She never thought I was anything less than a hero to her. For that, I am humbled and acutely aware that I have so much more ground to cover to be her equal than I had ever imagined.

I love her so very much. For not just the children she has given me. For the life that she shares with me. Not for the folded t-shirts, or the way she selflessly gets up with our children at three in the morning. I love this woman for how she now makes me feel about myself. She has given me an example which is, for me, almost inattainable, but worth striving for. She is so very good. I see her in a new light now. I dont see her as timid, I see her as quietly strong and resilient. She is everything I wish I could be, but am painfully aware I may never be.

I take solace instead in the idea that she loves me for exactly who I am. I am the loud and obnoxious one. She is reserved and fixes those hearts that I offend, makes apologies for my over-sights, and mends what I was blissfully unaware of. I on the other hand, have my own talents. I push us, tug us, yank us foward. I take risks, she mitigates them. That's how it's become. Today, this month, this past few months, I have realized that. I really would be a completely different person without her. I'm certain that would be a person that I'm not sure I would be happy with. She helps me be who I need to be.

I love her so very much. I'm so thankful for the things I've learned this year. I've found out I am woefully inadequate at times, and I'm thankful she loves me in spite of it all. Happy Anniversary Stacey. I hope tomorrow I can somehow show you how much you mean to me.

Perhaps, if you're not busy...We could go to Red Lobster? I'd love to take you.