Remember When...Thirty sounded so old?

So yesterday I received this video on an email with some kid asking his sweetie-pie to marry him. The amount of effort he put in I tell you. Anyhow, he coordinated this elaborate setup for her to be in the movie theater, and the trailers started with him talking to her dad. Then they secretly filmed her face as she soon discovered it was her finance' that was doing the askin'. So, anyhow, this kid runs into the theater, lights come up, he bends down on one knee...tears were shed, (not by me damnit, I'm a warrior!) and "Matt and Gina" began their life together in total bliss without any challenges or setbacks and lived happily ever-after.

I tell you, it sort of set the rest of us guys up for failure. When I asked Stacey I was home on leave from the Navy. I'd flown seven thouuuuusand miles home and spent hundreds of dollars a month of my money, her money, and yes, my parent's money talking to her on the phone. I betcha we spent not less than five hundred bucks a month in some form or fashion to connect and keep our faith together. I even have a couple of boxes of letters in the basement back and forth and we've often talked about putting them all in order and making binders out of them. That way we could relive the way I used to be a die-hard romantic. Thank goodness those days are gone.

Anyhow, it got me thinking about how I had asked Stacey. See, I didnt go to a whole lot of effort, unless you count buying a $700 ring at the P.X. (mini Wal Mart for Squids and Jarheads). It's still the one she wears too. It's kind of shaped like a ..well a diamond duh. Anyhow it's a "solitaire" not because that used to be romantic, but because I used to make about 1100 bucks a month is why.

Anyhow, I asked Stacey about three nights after getting home on leave. I'd say it was probably 1995. What I did was switch out Stacey's promise ring with a wedding ring just playing with her hand in my dad's back yard. We were sitting on the grass, watching the stars (ahem *sniff*) and I pulled it off and secretly replaced it with this HUGE sparkly, like 1/15th Karat ROCK. Then I said some lame-azz blubbering idiocy and sorta twisted around almost on one knee and sorta said, "Wouldja?" See it never occured to me she wouldn't. I mean, I'm KIND of a big deal here. I was a Third Class Petty Officer in the U.S. Navy and pullin' down some SERIOUS cash and spending half of it on phone bills here.

Oh, and in the Jordan River Temple, when we were sealed, the old man
(Sealer) was going ON and ON and ON about my duties and
responsibilities each time I thought he was coming to the question he didn't. It happened like five times in his soliloquy. But I
sorta zoned out, but when I came to, he said, "Well? Do you?" So I
look across the altar, and Stacey has this worried look on her
face, and I looked at the audience types, and they were all
waiting on me, so I said, "Yeah sure". Then he says, "you have to say,
'Yes' or 'No'." So I sarcastically and very slowly and with great emphasis say, "YESSSSSS" and smiled. Personally I thought my shenanigans
adorable, but apparently that's not the place to get everyone
worried. I swear I wasjust sorta soaking it in and enjoying
the moment. Lost in it if you will. I mean seriously, this is the culimination of efforts in chasing this woman for the last four or five years! We're about to live happily ever after for crying out loud!

Anyhow, we get out of the sealing room, and I go back to the locker
room. I get changed into my suit. I had a tux, because we were
going to take pictures, but someone set me up for failure and had me
put on my suit because it was raining and we were going to hold
off on the pictures. So I'm sitting there, in the lobby for-EVEEEEER, whilst Stacey gets into her wedding dress. She comes out, sees me and immediately sucks in and with an audible, "uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" almost faints because
I'm not in my tux. Apparently we are still in the hazy moments of the dream sequence of the perfect romantic moment. Thank goodness I'd been invited. Anyhow seeing just such a level of concern and sensing immediate melt-down, I bolt to my feet, and say, "I'll be right back" and run in and re-tuxed. The pictures turned out nice. I was a little flushed in them though I think. No reason.

Anyhow, fast forward a decade and a half. I still love her. In fact, I love her more today than I have ever before. I mean that. We've been through some incredible things. We now have four children and another coming. A boy by the way. Perhaps his name is, "Samuel". I'm not entirely sold as yet. We haven't slept for about six months straight. The baby is up constantly at night. She used to get up three times a night. Last week we had tubes put in, and now she literally never sleeps the whole night through. She has caught a cold and starts coughing and coughing and sounds horrible. She gets mad and we invite her into our room between us after the second or third attempt at a bottle. It's exhausting. The other day, I thought she was showing signs of getting better. But somewhere around one a.m. our 85 lb labra-idiot somehow got the runs. Yeah, so she starts whining, and Stacey wakes me from my coma. I was FINALLY sleeping. Anyhow, apparently I'm "Better" with the dog. Like, I say she's "Better" with the baby because she has mammary glands. Anyhow, instead of fighting it, I quickly surmise it's my turn and get up to investigate. The smell inside the room in Josh's kennel was one I recognized instantly. Through the dim haze of his night light I see her in there, cowering. So, I try to be just as nice as I can, quietly open the kennel and she bursts past me. Something from her hind end past my left leg leaves a very distinct...."wet" feeling. Not a good way to start out. So I grab her by the collar and start down the stairs. She gets loose and hits every one of the thirteen stairs with all four feet. Oh, smacked the banister and sidewall with her head and tail alternating and then on to the linoleum where her claws rounded the corner. From thence into the closed blinds at the sliding door and her head and tail banging the blinds over and over and over noisily. So by now my rage is up to 9.995 and I'm just about to hit her in the head with a shovel, but I can't find one. Anyhow, out the door she goes and I'm upstairs to clean it out. Picture this, me in underwear, groggy, sleep in my eyes, looking for a rag, ANY rag. An old towel, maybe even paper towels. ANY THING! So in the kids' bathroom closet I find an old blue pillow case. Close enough. So I go in, on my hands and knees, face to face with three heaping ....well I would say piles, but more like "puddles" of dog-squeeze. I reach as far back as I can but am literally almost face-to-face with this ...task. So I fan out the pillow case and pull it forward hoping it acts like Bounty, the Quicker Picker-Uppper. Yeah, not so much. It just sorta spreads it out like warm peanut butter. I was non-plussed to say the least. Anyhow, I throw the pillowcase in the garbage can, haul the whole thing downstairs and into the garage. Then I find some Lysol, or some no-name blue stuff and head back up with a handful of paper towels and this Lysol Pistol. So, the rest of the story is uneventful. Suffice it to say, Maggie stayed the rest of the night in the garage and my one chance at sleeping this past three months was gone.

Why did I go into this? Well, I think for me I've figured it out. It aint all grand at times. This is life baby. The good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. This is what you sign up for when you slip that ring on. You're young, attractive, in the prime of your life and you think you're going to live happily ever after. You know what? All these experiences and thousands of others like them are what make up our memories. I know that this story will get funnier and funnier the next few times I tell it. Sure I was ticked that night. This wasn't in the brochure?!?! Are you kidding me?! Really? REAAAAALLY???? is this necessary? Well, yeah, it is. I love my life. I am so proud of my wife and my children. Most times I want to strangle them. Not so much Stacey, but definately the kids. I still want to hit that stupid dog in the head with a shovel, but I dont. Why dont I? This is it baby. This is the dream. This IS happily ever after.

I think I look at these young couples that just get married. About three years later you see the reality set in. Seven years after they are realizing that this may not have been what they had anticipated. They start to ask some very tough questions. Fourteen years after you get married...well it aint any easier. But I will say, unequivocally and uncoerced, that it's the greatest opportunity and adventure I've ever embarked on. I am so proud of my loving spouse. I have learned that she is far better a person than I really deserve at times. Her challenges are not my challenges, but we compliment each other. She is strong where I am weak and vice versa. But more importantly, when I see her finally holding that child that has screamed ALL night and she's still patient where I can't handle more than ten minutes, I'm in awe. She's an amazing woman. I feel so lucky to have met her. I knew that day I saw her in the grocery store that she would be special in my life. I had no way to know exactly how much. That she would be my best friend. I had no idea that we would suffer huge challenges and seemingly triumph over them. I had no idea that she was so strong. I had no idea how truly beautiful she really was until recently when I've seen her poise and convinction when it comes to her husband and family.

So, I guess my wife doesnt ever ask for a new ring. I know she could use one. We're taking our first trip away from the kids to someplace nice in a couple of months. She never asks for more than I can provide. She works side by side with me to figure out our challenges and needs. She is invested 1000% in our family and whatever it takes to make it as a family. I am really so very proud of her. I've learned so much about her since I bumbled through an attempt at asking her to marry me. This past couple of years have shown me what incredible reservoirs of love and patience this woman has for me and for our children. I am truly in awe of her almost daily. I have seen the challenges for her, the tears, the setbacks, the heartache and the joy. I wouldnt change a single thing.

Anyhow, I gotta get the kids kicked out the door. It's bus time.
I hope you guys have a great day. I'll see you next time we have something of little import but comedic value.

All the best,

J