OK, so today my rant is believe it or not about people who dont have a sense of humor. I posted some stuff on Face Book a few days ago that was the very definition of not only implausable, but downright impossible. I heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend that I hurt someone's feel-bads. The joke I posted on there, is not important, the real crux of this is that it was so far out of the realm of possibilities that nobody in their right mind could possibly construe my comments as a real opinion number one. Number two, I actually said something that would confirm a POSITIVE reinforcement of the subject. So I get this text from my spousal-unit that someone called her, because someone called them, because someone said they saw something. (So you KNOW it's true). I guess it's time for us to go play the Telephone Game again and see how that can get twisted by the time it gets from A to B.
OK, so, I guess now I'm sorta pissed off. Not because they didnt bother to call me directly (which is part of it), not because it got everyone in an uproar, but because it's so ridiculous that I'm really contemplating just ceasing and desisting my activities on Facebook. I guess to me, there's a point in life where if you know me, you realize that I have a sense of humor. Additionally I feel if you can't understand sarcasm, hyperbole, or irony, I have little or no use for you. Except maybe as a door-stop or the next form of intelligence above crustacean, but below bony fish. Even dolphins have a sense of humor. Of course it's been said that dolphins are one of the few mammals (yes, mammals *close your mouth when you breathe*) that have sex for fun. Well not fun, I'm sure that in the animal kingdom version of monogamy they are ...ok, who we kiddin' they dont mate for life either. Anyhow, they're smart. They can find enemy subs, they can catch rings on their nose, and they hate sharks. So, in my book dolphins are both cute, and understandably close to my own values system. Heck, if I could jump out of the water and through a ring of fire in front of throngs of adoring thongs I would too. You can bet your bippy I would. [insert Flipper speak here]
Where were we??? Ah yes. So, if you can't understand simple run of the mill humor that a majority of your lesser vertabrates would get, I am not sure how we became "Friends" on a social networking site. Ironically, Facebook only allows five good friends, fourteen silent stalkers, two superficial self-righteous types, seven casual family acquaintances, four college buddies, and seventy-two members of your graduating class to review your intimate thoughts about politics, religion, Youtube Videos, and intimations of emotive lexicon. Hell even the partridge in a pear tree would get dizzy trying to keep all those people satisfied in believing that everything is about them.
So, what I'm getting at I guess, is RELAX. As my brilliant bride once said to me, "This isn't about you." Yeah, I was surprised too! EVERYTHING is about me!!! How could she dare intimate, let alone outright state that position as fact???!!! But guess what, sometimes, even the quiet ones are right. She's smart that gal. Anyhow, so my rant is pretty much complete. Of course my latin passions had me working every possibility of retribution, emasculation, ridicule and perniciousness available to me in order to get "back" at those without humor, but...I elected instead to just let it go. After I ranted of course.
OK, now it's time to tell you that even my tongue-in-cheek rant is in fact, you guessed it, tongue-in-cheek. See we work on multiple levels. As I am here judging my fellow man, I'm actually self-depricating, and if you dont hurry right along there I may poke a little fun at you for standing there all slack-jawed wondering why I'm even taking the time to put this rant to page. I dont know. I have to get it out. When I see irony, I publish it. When I see injustice, I state it boldly. When I see hyperbole, well I protract it wildly (those of you paying attention find that funny. The other 29 of you dont know it was a joke about a joke). Anyhow, relax a little. LIVE a little. Stop taking life so danged seriously. Nobody is shooting at us. The Cold War is over, and there's implosion in the middle east. So what else is new? You going to tell me that the price of oil is up and that the Democrats want more of our money? Wow, nice work there Sherlock. Maybe you could email me and 36 of your closest workmates a forward of a forward of a forward of an, "Angry American" Spam and we could finally tell Congress once and forever how we really feel.
Seriously, you're killing me. OK, I gotta go slap some kids around. Family Home Evening you understand. The only church meeting that starts with a prayer and ends with a spanking. Hold my place in line. I gotta run.
The baby literally just walked up and slapped me, my two daughters are cooing and making noise just to hear themselves talk, momma is hiding upstairs and Josh is AWOL. Aint life grand??? Cover me while I move.
Rant Ended.
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