Isabelle Maria

This afternoon I came home on time. Stacey was teaching Alexia piano and Isabelle met me on her scooter as soon as I pulled in. She was with the neighbor girl, Chloe Stroup, whom you would SWEAR is her sister. Well my girl, the subject of this particular post, is six. She has black hair, eyes so dark you loose the edges of her pupils and a big, beautiful, albeit measured smile.

Isabelle is special to me. Of course all my children are special. But Isabelle, as number three in sequence, stole my heart early on. I think this stems from the fact that with Josh and Lexi I was just plain busting my hump trying to keep it all together. I missed the first year of Josh's life shuttling him to and from day-care, driving an hour to and from work each day as bookends to an already ten-hour day. Couple that with the fact that we started my dad's cabin around the time he was born, and we were busy little beavers to say the least. Anyhow, I think during Josh's first year and half, and the birth of Lexi, building my dad's cabin three weekends out of four and coming to bed exhausted, I missed out on a great deal of what I just assumed was non-functional baby time. I think I was waiting for Josh to, "Get Big" so I could take him for rides in the truck, take him camping, do all the things that dads want to do with boys, that babies just...dont do. Well, Lexi came along so unexpectedly, that we then had two of them, 18 months apart and the cycle again repeated.

We found out we were expecting Isabelle when I was in my Officer Basic Course in Fort Leonardwood, Missouri. It was a four month long course and when I received the news from Stacey over the phone I was pretty exited, but wondering how we were ever going to do it with three. I think something happened that day to me. I was sitting in the Officer's Club, swilling down Diet Cokes while my boys were emptying pitchers, singing Karaoke and playing darts. Of course I bought them all a round and I again resumed my post as one of five or six, "Old Men" at around 30.

Most of the kids in my Basic Course were recently commissioned Active-Duty types and were maybe 22 on average. There were about fifteen of us "Guard Guys" who were on average five to seven years older than them. In fact I distinctly remember one afternoon we were headed to some event, and I went to pick up Heath Abraham and Josh Grey. Both awesome dudes from South Dakota. So, I'm waiting for them at the bottom of their building, and Heath actually says to me, "Wow, Jon you're....dressed..like a dad." To which I replied, "Abe, I...AM a dad." It really struck me how mentally different we were though just a few years apart. He was living the dream, a young stallion in his prime, and I was...well, OBVIOUSLY at thirty way too damned old to do anything of any real significance at my advancing age and declining stature.

Where were we? Oh, the subject of my beautiful daughter. Well of course I returned home, finished a couple of rooms in the basement (we lived in a little 2 bedroom home we had purchased new in Tooele, Utah) and prepared for her arrival. From the moment she was born I vowed to always appreciate EVERY second with her. By that time Josh almost four, Lexi was three and they were burning up the bearings of tricycles and driving their mom insane while I worked as much as I could to get the hours I needed. So, Isabelle, for whatever reason...well she was enjoyed from day one. I think because I really didnt take it for granted. She's been a joy to me since the day she was born I have tried to openly enjoy every second. I spanked her a lot less than the others, I had more patience with her, and yet, she's the most defiant of them all. See, Isabelle, whom I really had intended on naming, "Maria Isabella" is every bit the latina stereotype. She's passionate, she's willed, she's intelligent, and she's sensitive but guarded.

My little girl has a smile that will melt your heart. She has incredible stunning exotic looks and I fear for the safety of any young man that dares take advantage of her. Dont get me wrong, Lexi is a gorgeous girl. Lexi is the classic, all-American beauty. But Isabelle, is going to be heart-stopping jaw-dropping gorgeous. She has attitude, but she's introverted until she knows someone has her best interests at heart. She's easily hurt emotionally, but extremely resilient. The other day she went to a party. I would say it's in excess of three weeks ago. She had a run-in with a little girl who was giving her dirty looks. She never said a word to us, but in a quiet moment with Stacey asked her quiet way what "this" means *pulling the same face* obviously she had been reviewing this moment over and over for weeks in her mind and never said a word. She processes things behind those dark eyes that you never have a clue are going on.

Well, my little girl is of course beautiful, intelligent beyond measure, tiny, but never intimidated. She's a wonderful girl. She loves her mommy and daddy.

I guess why I'm telling you this is so you know how much I care about her. How you unique she is. How much flavor and spice she adds to our family. I think most people refer to Isabelle as, "Mini Jon". But she's so much more than a look-a-like to me. She really represents to me the first time I took my role as a father and husband in with gusto. I loved being a dad for Josh and Lexi. But after our separation for Officer Basic, and the impending deployment I knew that ever second counted. Every minute needed to be seeped in appreciation.

I love all my kids. All four of them now. You know of course we're expecting our fifth. I used to wonder if I had the capacity, the time, the mental deftness to deal with that many kids and give them all the love, time and affection that children deserve. It's not easy. Each child presents their own issues, their own internal fears and worries. They each have talents that the others are jealous of. They each secretly think we love the other more. Guess what? Whenever I get the chance, I tell them each individually they are my favorite. You know what else? I'm not lying either. Each child, each gift from our Heavenly Father, brings such joy into our hearts. Josh is my hunter. He's nervous, he's intelligent, he loves the outdoors and he's unaware of his laten brillance. Alexia is smart, funny, quick witted, but has challenges when she's tired. Isabelle sits back and watches it all unfold, and quietly does what we ask. She's insanely passionate, and will love you like a tornado if you just love her back. Finally (to date) Olivia is hell on wheels at 19 months.

I am so thankful of course for all my children. For their beautiful mother who has blessed me with the opportunity to share them in our home. I'm humbled by the outpouring of love involved in trusting us with them from our Heavenly Father. I'm thankful for the daily gifts they extend to us in opportunities to learn what it truly means to become Godly parents. they are my entire reason for living. They are everything to me. What I learned this last year however is even more important; their beautiful mother, my Eternal Companion and friend, trumps them all.

Well I just wanted to take a moment while it was less-than-quiet in our home and share with you a little about my girl. Really about all my kids, but to help round-out the picture of what I feel it is to truly be blessed. Homes come and go. Cars rust and friends move away. But these memories and these children will only be here so long. I love them so very much. My desire is that some day my little girl, now grown, will read these words and know I loved her with all my heart. She was my favorite, just as her brother and sisters were as well. She means so much to me and I'm proud that she still calls me "Papa Bear".

Well I better go now, so much to do, and so little quality time.

You kids have a great night.

See you there,

Jon