Hey guys. Yeah, it's me. I know, I know, you're excited. You can't wait for the outcome. What deliciously sinful things has Jon been up to lately? Well, in a word, "None." Yeah, I'm a little shocked myself actually. It's been good actually. I'm here getting ready to start another week of training at Fort Jackson in South Carolina. Today is Sunday, our only day off in the course. The past week has been palatable. Nothing too overly-stressing, just late afternoons. I haven't had time to workout, actually desire to workout is there, but the past three days my shoulders have been killing me. I have a difficult time sleeping. I think I over-did it. After doing the, "Seal" P.T. the other day, we went swimming, and the front of my shoulderous majorus freakin' ached for three days. I'm going to give it the rest of today and hopefully start up again on Monday morning.
Anyhow, we have Monday through Friday left in the course. Well, more succinctly, Thursday. See Friday is graduation. I know, you're sad you missed it. But it will basically be in a amphitheater style room and we'll walk down, across the stage, and pick up a certificate. I know, you're weeping inside because you never thought this day would come. Well, boo on you, 'cause it did. I'm now eligible for promotion and smarter than I was just a few short weeks ago. I know, you're thinking to yourself, 'Self, how is that possible?', but it is.
So, last night we went out to a place to eat. It's pretty popular in the Columbia area. I, of course was one of the designated adults and have to stay sober. Which, as a Mormon dude, isn't really all that difficult. Anyhow, I snarfed down some nachos as an appetizer and a, "Shoboygan" which was basically a brautworst on a bun with mustard and saurkraut. Friggin' delicious I tell ya. Not great for the heart, but you know, when in Rome.
So, there was a giant gathering of lesbians in the skybox above us. Wait, let me back up. There's three parts to this establishment, a screened in smoking area outside, an elevated sitting area, and then a sunken area, and I guess technically a fourth if you include the bar all along the one wall. Anyhow, there was a mess of lesbians above us smokin' it up and gettin' jiggy. I'd say there was maybe two dozen. So of course, our little class of maybe ten people commenced to guessing what their purpose was for paining the town...camo. I thought perhaps they were a women's softball team celebrating their last victory. Someone else said they were a troop of bus drivers and gym coaches, and yet another hypothesized that they were in fact an former eastern block bowling/powerlifting team. One of the dudes in our class, an aging man who's going through a divorce, kept trying to convince either me or him that he could go up there and score one. I told him he may as well try to climb K-2 without any preparation or cold weather gear. Twice as likely to hit the summit(s) anyhow.
Where were we? Oh, anyhow, that lasted from about 7:30 to 9:45, after which I was done playing the part of, Father Knows Best, and Jefe' and I decided to bolt. That's young people speak for, "Jet" case you didn't know.
Anyhow, I got home and started watching Christmas Vacation. I came in about the part where he's wearing that stupid turbin on his head and those pink gloves watching movies in the attic. Then of course my wife commenced sending me festive holiday picture-texts of her and the kids riding the Trax train to see the Temple lights. So, that's nice. Sitting in your room, after missing the birth of your son, and your anniversary on the following phase, and now you're kids and wife are braving the elements to go drink hot choco at Temple Square while you're in the nice warm room preparing to watch Vince Vaughan as Fred Claus. By the way, his movie, "Four Christmases", FRIGGIN' HILLARIOUS! My favorite part is him on the roof trying to instal this satellite dish and the t.v. smashing across the room and ending up in a firey heap in his dad's living room. I mean, the poor guy was just trying to give his dad a gift and deal with his disfunctional family. So, I'm sure you all can relate.
Anyhow, I've had a good go-round. I'm kinda done. I'm not motivated to work on my country brief that's due Wednesday at all. I know, you're thinking, 'but why? Turkmenistan is so interesting?' yeah, well, it might be, considering their average education level is 8th grade and that military service is compulsory from age 19 to 29 for one year for males, but believe it or not, the rest of the reading is pretty dry. Actually, looking at the website for Turkmenistan, which basically is a single page linking you to the CIA World Factbook and State Department information from 1991, it's hard to believe you wouldnt just sop this stuff up with a buscuit it's that danged good.
Alright, well hey listen, it's been real, I know you've had fun, but I've got a whole lotta layin' around to do today and I have to get to it. You know I love ya, always will, but Stay Classy Salt Lake. Mmmkay?
Alright, but seriously, have fun and take care. We'll see you all around Festivus for the airing of grievances.
Always,
J
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