So I've not written in a while. Yesterday I had one of those days you know? It started out sucky, got a little suckier, ended up happy and then Phase IV happened which is really not part and parcel to what I wish to convey here.
So on or around Wednesday, I got a phone call from Lexi my nine year old daughter from up at 7200 feet with her Grandpa Bill and a burried snowmobile. Lexi was of course concerned and after I surmised they were within easy walk of Grandpa's cabin I told her that I could come up either Thursday or Friday to help them get it out. Anyhow, Friday rolled around, and after I'd purchased a couple of spark plugs and some "Heat" gas-line water remover I headed up.
Well I got to the end of the turn-off to Grandpa Bill's cabin. It's about a mile and 3/4 into the cabin and another 800 yards or so on to where the machine was buried off the side hill. Well I suited up, donned my snowshoes, which I've used ONCE in 7 years (for good reason) and moved in. Some guy came along on a snowmachine and took pity and delivered me to the incident site.
Well about that same time, I commenced quite unsuccessfully to start the machine. Blah Blah Blah, yada yada yada, it didnt start. So, dad talked the Geriatric up the hill into charging us $20USD to fire up his machine and pull us out and the 1/4 mile back to the cabin. So, I was a little disturbed that this guy figured his tracked vehicle was buring 1/2 gallon of gas ever six minutes, but whatever. You know, it's worth the segue to report my dad had always taught me to help someone out just out of sheer possibility that those roles will be reversed some day and you'd want them to do the same for you. In fact, that is so deeply embedded that a few years back, maybe 9 or so, in the same area Troy Hall (Salazar) and I found a really expensive foreign make rifle. After considerable effort we located the owner and delivered it back to him. He offered a reward to which I could only reply, "No, if it was my rifle, I'd want someone to do the right thing and give it back to me." Come to find out later that this particular rifle, a "Sitka" .223 left-handed match-grade rifle with a laminated thumb-hole stock and a variable 3x39 Leopold scope was probably in excess of a $6,000 rifle. But I felt good about it, because it was a left-handed rifle and I just plain refuse to shoot left-handed. ;) I'm kidding, I just knew it was the right thing. So, I digress. Anyhow, this old beggar makes arrangements for dad to mail him $20 bucks for $3.00 in gas. In my mind the guy went down a few notches in my columnar mental pad.
Anyhow. So that afternoon, we tried again unsuccessfully to fire-up the machine and finally ended up having breakfast-lunch and playing "Craps" with my kids in Grandpa's cabin using an amalgamation of Connect Four tokens, poker chips, and Backgammon wooden pellet thingies. Anyhow, we all laughed and had a great time, though I'm quite worried that my children had actually been playing craps for the previous four days and were down-right good at it. At one point I had two black Connect Fours and Josh had a pile of pennies, quarters, Connect Fours and Backgammons. As well as Lexi whom doesnt play smart but has fits of intermittent gambling genius coupled with boughts of buyer's remorse at over-extention of one's backgammon standings.
So. At that point, we pulled chocks, and suited up. Winterized the cabin again and then beat feet, (quite literally) to the truck in snowshoes. A good time, was indeed had by all.
Where were we? Oh, at that point we parcelled out into vehicles, Josh with Gramps, Lex with me. We visited our little five-acre 300x600' slice of Heaven in Fruitland and headed back.
Well, here's where it gets good. Lexi and I, (once the radio again kicked on at the bottom of Provo Canyon) listened to my classic country station. I just want to tell you. One-on-one, Lexi is the most complimentary, kind, most wonderful kid to be with. That girl showered me with compliments as to my aesthetics, the sound of my voice, and just plain made me feel like the king of the world driving that little Toyota P.O.S. Pickup. We sang together all the way home. I even taught her how to stare down jerks that change lanes impatiently and even some select colorful phrases I'd learned from my very own pappy. Anyhow, I just had a wonderful time with Lexi. The song that comes to mind most is, "You Should have Seeen it In Color". Which, as it turns out, really reminded me of my Grandpa Kenworthy I wrote about last time. She kept asking me to sing, which I really couldnt because if I did I might break down. There are some songs I love to sing along with, and a few, very select others that are so incredible to me, that I just let the artist do their thing, because if I tried to keep up, I would just plain ruin it.
I was thinking on that drive home. About life. About, what talents and tendencies I've been given (or strapped with depending on your angle). I really feel like I've been given an in-depth capacity for soaking in emotions sympathetically. I can really identify with some of the less-than-common emotions that bombard us. I've had a doosey of a year to say the least. But what's plagued me the most is really, "What's this all for?" I like to ask the hard, in-depth soul searching questions, because I really want to know. "Lord, what's this all for? Why do these things affect me? What is the lesson I'm supposed to get from this? Why must I feel compelled to know more than the surface answers? How does this all inter-relate? Why am I the way I am? Should I shut these thoughts out? Or are they blessings given to me from you that help me understand your infinite capacity to love me?" I have all these thoughts roll around and around in my head. I wonder sometimes, "Why can't I just be like everyone else? Certainly there is some reason why I have this clarity of thought. There must be some reason why I see patterns out of chaos. There must be some venue for this empathy I've been 'cursed' with?" You know, I'm not entirely sure if you even get what I'm talking about. Have you ever felt like you have some special talents? I've actually found I do, but they are very sacred to me. So much so, that to list them here would fly in the face of the true purpose of what they're really for.
I guess over this past year, I've learned so very much. But most of all, I've confirmed what I'd always imagined. That these talents, these aspirations, these vistas that open to me...well they need to be used for good. There can be no personal vendettas. There can be no side-ways effort to make money or capitalize emotionally, financially or personally in any way for them. I believe one of my talents is true empathy. To really be able to hear what someone's saying, without them saying it. I can see from a thousand yards away, someone hurting. Someone in need. But I can also see malintent and maliciousness from others. I think I'm finally learning what to do with what once seemed to be a curse. I'm going to use them only for good. Only to help, and never to self-promote or capitalize.
My daughter Lexi, whom I alluded to earlier, well she has these same talents. I recognize them in her. That little girl will put herself out there so freely. So trusting, so openly. Then she's shocked when she's taken advantage of. She's so very beautiful to me. I worry about her. I pray that she will find that same peace and without becoming calloused, use her own similar, and quite frankly, brighter talents to bless others.
My hope for you today, is that you recognize these same talents in yourself. That instead of hiding your talents, that you will, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."-MATT 5:16. Please dont allow past hurts, prsonal insecurities, or worse, fear of being judged keep you from using those talents. You have the capacity to bless others immeasurably. You cannot possibly fathom how your honest and sincere helping-hand might lift another. How it may bouy their spirits, give them hope and the faith requisite to truly be themselves. These talents have a funny way of compounding on each other. What comes to mind for me, is the parable of the talents found in Matthew:
14 For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.
15 And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.
16 Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents.
17 And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two.
18 But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money.
19 After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.
20 And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.
21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
22 He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.
23 His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
Of course the parable goes on, and there is a slothful servant who buries his own talent, to keep it safe. My hope for you today, is that you will recognize your own opportunities. That you will see them for what they are, a belief in you as a Heavenly Son or Daughter of an Eternal Father whom loves you. So much so that he would entrust you with talents and abilities which far exceed your own base understanding. I hope you use those talents to bless others. I hope you do those things without remorse, and without exception. I want you to use those things you've been given for good, clean and honest dealings with others. If you're reading this I truly consider you a friend. I hope you understand the intent of my heart. That you feel the compassion of our Heavenly Father who's entrusted us with so much opportunity that we take it for granted.
Do not take it for granted. Use them ever so wisely. Share them with your neighbor. Do not continue to hide them from the world.
Well I have to close for now. Family time and I'm slowing up progress. You guys all have a wonderful day. Continue pressing forward, ever mindful of a greater plan and purpose.
I'll catch you later, but for now, adios.
See ya again real soon,
Jon
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