Ground Hog Day

So the other day, I was watching the movie, "Ground Hog Day" with my kids. Of course they were incredibly loud and obnoxious, and my efforts to point out the obvious comedy in some of the scenes became almost embarassing at times. I love that movie. There's a lot of good one-liners in the movie and I really hoped they could come away from it with a sense of how funny I find it each and everytime I watch it.

Sorry, Lexi was looking over my shoulder and it was a little difficult to focus with her wolfing down that cheese-stick..plastic..thing. Anyhow, she's gone now, so where were we?

Oh, anyhow, so we're watching this movie, and I think after ten or fifteen years, however old this movie is, the message becomes more and more profound to me. Basically as you may well know, Bill Murray's character wakes up day after day in the same day. On Ground Hog Day (G.H.D.) Well, initially it's frightening to him. He believes he might be crazy. In the middle of the film, he starts to take advantage of it. He uses his knowledge of what's going to happen in order to better his position selfishly. Toward the last third, he uses his knowledge to get the woman he's interested in by finding out all of her internal secrets and desires and each day learns more and more about her, basically to trick her into loving him. Well, as you know if you've seen it, that backfires, so he basically uses the next few weeks to kill himself at every available chance, and ultimately the next morning, you guessed it, he repeats it all over.

Well, the last 1/5th or so of the movie, he decides to focus instead on helping everyone he can. He learns all of their personal needs and desires as well as learns to play the piano, speak French, and other sundry qualities. Well, as it turns out, his last, G.H.D. he actually no kidding falls in love with the damsel (Andy McDowel) and awakes the next morning to a very new day after at the close of his final Ground Hog Day.

So, why is this applicable and why would I bother telling you what you already know? Well it's like this. I think this past year or so, maybe even further back has been like Ground Hog Day to me. Dont get me wrong, if you've ever done a military deployment, you KNOW what GHD is like. You do the same thing, day in, day out. Wake up, go to the restroom, eat, work, eat, work, go to the restroom throughout, go back to your quarters, watch a movie/tv, sleep...start all over. Well, this past year or more has been an emotional Ground Hog Day for me. Each day, try as I might, left to my own devices and doing the absolute best I good, I would invariably repeat the same exact faults and foibles from the previous days, months and year(s). I genuinely couldn't understand it. I would reason things out, make a decision, implement it, and then, unavoidably be surprised at the very outcome. I couldnt break the cycle to save my life.

Well, "they" say that the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Guess what, "They" are right. So, I decided about a month ago or more, to try something uniquely different. I've gone contrary to my "best" judgement and instead relied on the counsel of clergy, my wife, and yes, in a pinch, even the Lord. Well guess what? Things started changing. I think the first set of changes shocked me. It wasn't coming in the way I expected, but it was in fact actual forward progress in the direction I needed to go.

I'm not going to get too personal here. Suffice it to say, I think this past year has been the most trying and difficult of my entire life. All the things which I've come to know and believe about myself have been called into question. It's been a no-kidding living Hell. I've done things that I felt at first, second, fifth, and tenth glance are without question right. After which, when I've done them they backfire horribly and have unintended consequences which complicate matters and compound the problem exponentially. I think I'm a pretty smart guy. That's usually the problem. I wouldn't say that I'm an ego-maniac, but I'd say I'm smarter than your average bear. Well, in this regard, I think my normal, "talents" were being used against me by the Adversary. I want you to know that in my past I've had a run-in or two personally with him. I will tell you that this time when we met I had no recognition of his hand in directing my thoughts, actions, and especially emotions. I've always considered my emotions, MY emotions. I was not aware of the depth and breadth of his power in manipulating those emotions and to what extreme he would go to do so.

I dont think my challenges are unique, therefore I share them with you here today. I think we can all be susceptable to his enticings. When we are seemingly in our element, masters of our domain, large and in charge, it's hard to imagine that he would have such desire to contain us. I have seen and been taken hostage by his manipulations of truth and am finally feeling like I've broken free at least to see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

As I said before, this is the most trying thing I've ever experienced. I dont believe it to be over. However, day by day I'm getting more and more clarity in how I've allowed myself to be disuaded from doing right. How I've actually had my normal talents and principles for "right" used against me. He is not just cunning, he is dark and manipulative past the point of reason. He is real, he is very real.

So, why do I tell you this? Well if you know me, you have probably seen a change in me. It's frightening to me how badly the Adversary had worked on both my family and me. I am stunned at his persistance. I am amazed at his calculative nature. I'm ashamed to have played into it. I'm saddened by others who continue to be played by him. I think I am beginning to see very clearly. I think that even though I can see the end from the beginning, it's not going to be easy to put finality to his plan against me. I am heartened that he must certainly be afraid of my family and children should we be able to move forward in the Gospel and in restoring those things he attempted to take from us. Certainly that much personal effort means that my children and wife must be of incredible threat to him and his plan to thwart the Gospel of our Savior.

One thing I want you to understand, I always take full responsibility for my actions, thoughts, desires and ...alas, my continuing stupidity in all that I do and have done. Satan knows that I can be counted on to try and make things "right". He knows that I have a great capacity to empathize with those I've hurt, and to make amends whenever possible. Throughout this year I've done everything I personally knew to fix things I am responsible for, but have had that desire and those efforts turned and twisted against my will and in horrific ways. It's like a horrific season of, "My Name is Earl". Only, instead of my Karma working in my favor, each and every time I try to fix or re-fix something, the problem deepened, the gulf widened and my efforts seemed more and more pressing.

So, I guess we've now come full-circle. So here I am now, trusting that what I've been given, what I've been told, the counsel and the personal revelation that sometimes, "nothing" is the best thing to do is actually true. Over the course of the past few months, as I trust in the Lord more and more that he will fix things that I'm personally responsible for, He has done so. But where the majority of change has come, is only after I've began to listen to the counsel to be still and let Him work.

I will tell you I am amazed not by the power of the Adversary, but by the wisdom of the Lord over that same Satan that we knew from the beginning. Even after I have made a labrynth of challenges and issues that are insurmountable in my eyes, He has navigated them deftly. As I pull back and trust Him further and further, I have witnessed His ability to seemingly move aside all that Satan has worked so diligently to confuse. I am amazed at the Savior's ability to comprehend and his foresight in battling the Adversary whom has been so capable when I am without aid.

I'm telling you incredibly personal things, for a reason. That if you are beset in your life, with things that are insurmountable. With issues that cannot be overcome no matter how hard you try. No matter how much you strive, no matter how much effort you put in, they unravel that much faster behind you. Please know that I too have experienced that helplessness. I have uttered the words, "When will enough be enough?" I have cried out to Him and begged him to make things right in my way, only to find that His way holds so much more depth and purpose than to, "fix" the things I have been part of. I have learned from Him throughout this past year or so about the entire range of human emotions. I have had glimpses of what He must think and feel and desire for us as His children. How His heart must ache and nearly break in two at our unwillingness to simply listen and follow. How He rejoices at our willingness to trust in Him. How seeing others may continue to exercise their agency contrary to His plan, and how that saddens Him to the depths of his capacity.

I do not pretend to understand all that the Savior has in store for us. I cannot contemplate His infinate atonement for us. I have however witnessed and had personal revelation as to the level of His love for each and every one of us. Despite anything we've done in our lives He truly stands ready to make all things right. I am so thankful for the Savior in my life. I'm thankful for all that I have learned through this experience. The minute understanding of His plan and momentary glimpses of His nature have humbled me beyond words. I am truly so thankful for Him and all that he offers to me.

I hope that you get something out of this today. That it touches you in a way that encourages you to look forward to over-coming those things which challenge you in your own life. I hope that you recognize those patterns and rounds which you continually make and learn to break the circle. I sincerely hope that you do all that you can do, and then rely on His matchless love for us all to do that which we can not. I hope that this next Ground Hog Day, is a joyous one for you and that you and your family can continue to press forward in learning more about His plan for us.

May the Lord watch and keep you in the fold of His hand is my prayer for you.

All the Best,

J