September 11th

September 11th, 9/11, 911...I suppose we all have our favorite way of refering to it. Today is of course the 10 year anniversary. Stacey and I were talking about it yesterday. More about the fact that somehow a decade has already transpired since that morning. I'll be honest here, I have some pretty intense feelings about that day, but I'm not sure I feel very passionate about it on this particular morning. Today it feels like perhaps time might heal all wounds, but that this defining moment for our generation was a turning point. Let me explain.

We all know where we were on that morning. What we were doing when we heard. The shock, anger, and the immediate void of the aftermath. There was a yearning for leadership from our National and ecclesiastical leaders. In the weeks and months following it galvinized us as a nation. Songs were written, everyone supported the troops, and we prepared for war with the Taliban and subsequently with the leadership of Iraq, and anyone else that dared to wake the sleeping giant.

I guess in my mind every generation has something that sets them apart from the generation before. It's trite now, but we can compare this to the events of Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. Today I dont feel hate, I dont feel sadness, I feel....adult I guess. The sheen has worn off and all the sparkles and glitter are gone. Life is really serious at times. We're not living in a Barbi Dreamhouse driving a Barbi Corvette and looking at rainbows and unicorns here. There are people who are striving to change our way of life because it constrasts drastically with their own, thousands of miles away.

That morning I was driving around in my Salt Lake County truck. I was an inspector for the County. I was in Magna. It was a beautiful morning. I was listening to the radio, Bob and Tom to be honest and more exact. I was driving South in one of the side streets on the North end of town. Honestly the trees look beautiful in the first rays of the morning and it was going to be one of those days that just make you glad to be alive. As I'm listening to the radio, the announcer...Tom I think...stops and says, "We've just gotten word that a plan has his one of the Twin Towers in New York..." Immediately I'm thinking...some idiot in a Cessna has crumpled his little plane up against it and by the way, who let him inside that airspace, and what kind of weather are they having that would allow him to get so far off course? I'm wondering these things, not exactly concerned....and then...another plane hits. This plane slams into the second tower of course. There's no doubt in my mind what's going on. I knew it immediately. My heart sank. I had just joined the Utah National Guard weeks before. I'd followed the Lord's promptings, and THIS is where it was going to take me.

I called Stacey. I told her to turn on the T.V. More for me than for her. I frantically jumped from A.M. station to station trying to get more information. It was a continuous description of the two aircraft over and over. Then someone put one into a field in Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon. 'Oh my God', I thought. Immediately my thoughts turned to the safety of my family at home. Were other attacks across the Nation scheduled in concert? Was my family safe?

I dont remember when I left work that day. I remember coming home and immediately turning on the T.V. Over and over the airplanes crashed into the towers. The entire Nation was in mass confusion. Over the coming hours and days, our President, like him or hate him, promised swift and exact retaliation for these attacks. Flags were out on houses, places of business, and I personally yearned for some sort of guidance from our Prophet (then) Gordon B. Hinkley. The Prophet did come on and the words he gave were more calming than militant. I found it interesting that our church leadership didn't discount the leadership of our Nation in any way, but reminded us that we were citizens of a Nation and that we should follow our National leaders and pray for them in the coming days.

I know that morning in Magna, I thought about going into a church. Which is weird I guess. Because Latterday Saint Churches dont often have a priest or any clergy there on full-time basis. They are usually locked throughout the day and open in the evenings for functions and dinners and meetings with the Bishop and others. I didnt go in I guess, I didnt really see the point, but I really wanted the guidance from our Heavenly Father as to what the coming days held and what I should do to help my little family along.

This past ten years have redirected my life...our lives in ways I would have never anticipated. My full-time profession changed almost immediately to that of a professional Soldier and my focus changed to that of the infliction of violence on willing participants. Immediately following those events it was very clear. Almost black and white. Good guys, and bad guys. Finally bad guys had a face and were even doing us the favor of amassing in large groups to make it easier to target them and erase them from consideration. Since that day, we've had our own Soldiers, field-grade officers at that, shoot our own Soldiers on Fort Hood, we've had home-grown terror attacks and plots, white powdery substances, etc. It seems like the entire world went crazy. So much hate and distain for our freedoms and choice.

Today, ten years later, I'm not even sure of the questions anymore. All of my decisions have become principle-based. Does this action promote choice, or does it limit it? Does this "protection" infringe on personal iberties or does it protect them. Even that has become a grey area at times. I suppose for me, I'd rather roll the dice and maintain freedoms, than lock down our homes, our schools, our liberties, and especially our minds, in the name of personal and societal protections. Personally, I'd rather see more concealed-carry permits. I think you walk softly and carry a big stick to be honest. I dont think disarming the masses does anything but provide the wolves with more pliant sheep. I also believe that we can't become calloused and suspicious of anyone and everyone. We still have to maintain that sense of community and openess that makes America what it is.

This country is going to hell in a handbasket it seems. I'm fighting mad angry at times. Not with (just) our President, not with Congress, no, I'm fighting mad with our citizenry. I'm mad that Dancing with the Stars, and American Idol, and 32 hot chicks and one guy in a dating show have replaced our desires to think for ourselves. I would like honest debate among neighbors and friends and conciencious voting each November. I would like to see people turn out for the Primaries. I'd like to see us replace non-action school boards and take power out of the hands of teacher's unions. I'd like us to educate our kids such that they know all things have a cost, and aint no such thing as a free lunch.

It's this free lunch mentality that has me the most worried. This sense of entitlement. It's mine, I didnt earn it, but I deserve it, and I get mine now despite the national/societal or worse the mental cost. That's ...pardon my french, bullshit. I'm sick of it. I really am. I'm not sure when we as Americans bought into the something-for-nothing mentality. But it's gotta stop here. EVERYTHING has a cost ladies and gentlemen. If you buy into a government program, you just hired thousands of government workers (of which I realize I am one) and therefore improved union membership and strength and of course, pandering. Oh my goodness I hate pandering. SOMEONE in Congress needs to stand up and stop the pandering to everyone. Listen folks, we only have so much money. It's guns or butter kids. So we can have butter, but we stop making guns. You can't promise both. My great dream for America is not some guy/gal on a white horse riding in to save the day and the economy. My dream is for you, and others like you, to shut that idiot-box off long enough to read a few articles to help you make a decision this coming Fall. I dont care HOW you vote, as long as you VOTE. Of course I have my prefered outcome, but dont vote by what sounds right, vote by what FEELS right.

Does this particular candidate/party/initiative support those principles which you do? If not, I'd actually prefer you not vote at all. Dont cloud the waters with stupid. If you feel passionate that socialized medicine is the way to go, and you've weighed the pros and cons and you're prepared to scale back military and infrastructure requirements, well by all means.

OK, I'm sorry this turned into a political rant. I'm sorry. I want one thing. For my personal military service, and for that of others to mean something. I'm potentially going to miss the birth of a child this October to go to school. A month later I'm going to miss our anniversary and my birthday for the second phase of that school. Granted, this is of my own doing, and my own volition. However, please dont make my personal sacrifices, and those of others like me go wasted because you'd rather turn your brain to mush because reading headlines is how you'd rather make your choices. This past ten years of my life have really defined who I am as a person. As a father, it's given me ability to focus and crowd out the world and protect my kids and our precious time together. As a husband, it's given me perspective as to the fleeting opportunities we have to tell someone we love them and mean it. As a citizen I'm passionate, as a Soldier, I'm deadly.

I'm not sure what this day means to you. I'm not sure if you've made it this far into the text. Of course I hope you did. I hope you remember this day, and that your experiences, whether similar or in great and vast difference remind you of who you are. I want this day to be a day where you reflect upon why you're Heavenly Father sent you here to this Earth at this time and place. Was it to make a difference in the lives of others? Was it to be a leader in a sea of swirling opinions? Was it to live principly based? Or was it to have a good time and enjoy the efforts and fruits of others' labor?

Anyhow, you have a great day. I smell bacon. I love this subject and this topic, but after all, bacon...well is bacon.

You kids have a great day. All both of you.

Always the Best,

J