Good morning. Well, as you can probably tell, I didn't run off during the night and here I am again layin' on your porch waiting for a ham bone or breakfast leftovers of some kind to drop out of your hand. I just got kicked out from in front of the mirror after polishing the pearly-whites and raking out my hair and I figured since everyone was abnormally quiet today (on a Sunday no less) I'd put fingers to keyboard and let you in on the goings-on.
Well, this morning while warshing my 2000 Parts I was listening to the I Heart on the ol' Victrola Ipod. Sometimes I listen to the various "stations", in particular the Alan Jackson or George Jones channels. Alan tells it like it is and George tells everyone to go to H.E. Double Hockey Sticks in an old-man who's still got it in him to scrap sorta way. Anyhow this morning they allowed someone to sing about Luckenbach, Texas and sellin' diamond rings and boots and jeans and I just realized I haven't fulfilled my fiduciary duties to you, the fans, for some time now. So, if you'll both just sit back, relax, and crack open a bran muffin and turn off Little House we'll begin.
Where were we? Oh, so let me give you a run-down. The contractor finished the septic tank last week and I got a line on a 300 gallon propane tank for about a buck a gallon. It's a sweet little unit that looks a little like R2D2 if he was an albino droid. Minus the leg-scooter-thingies of course. Any how I was helping dad move Lacy from her apartment into a house here in old Riverton and asked her dad to sell it to me. It's a windfall, because then I don't have to transport the smaller tanks back and forth from Fruitland to Salt Lake. So, at last count, we now have water to shower, propane to heat, and the proverbial pot (for to which to whizz in).
So from there, I cleaned up the back patio from all the sand the kids kicked out of the area I'd pulled the patio stones out of. Chopped both the lawns, culled out the flower beds, trimmed the trees, cleaned the garage, started a fight with Stacey, pulled the ramp off the stairs I'd made, helped Stacey take the salt downstairs, grilled some dead cow, and…uh…that's about it. Well, unless you count the ENDLESS whining and gnashing of teeth. That's just me I'm talking about. Our kids have been sick since…oh….2010ish. Yeah, not even hyperbole really paints the picture I'm trying to convey. Hold on, I'm gonna start a new paragraph, buckle up.
OK, so, yeah, snotty noses, coughing, wheezing, antibiotics, chest colds, whining, more whining. I just flipped out yesterday. It was bad too. One of those patented, world renouned..renounned…ren…anhow it was one of those, Jon Kenworthy, powder keg meltdowns you may have heard six streets over. I'm convinced, and NOONE will ever talk me out of believing, that SOMEONE will expire…just…flat out…stop breathing…if I sit down and enjoy myself for longer than say…oh…four minutes. It's a friggin' mad house I tell you. It's so bad, that I literally loathe the idea of trying to enjoy myself at home anymore. The kids have been sick so long, and it takes so much of our combined efforts to just tread water, that I'm sick of it. I've literally reached the end of my patience level and one more dance competition, or double-header soccer game is going to drive me to drink. And I don't even LIKE the taste of beer. Let alone pissing every fourteen minutes. Plus I imagine drinking alone and in secret it going to prove difficult since everywhere you look there's a pair of prying eyes and clawing hands demanding sippy cups, new underwear, declaring unfinished homework 12 minutes prior to school starting….it's endless. What's worse? Yeah, I signed UP for this. This is a world of my own making. I tell you what. This weren't in the brochure, that's for damn sure.
Where were we? Okay, well that's the end of my little rant. I'm coming up on the 9 minute mark where I've been alone and I'm certain there is a sink full of dishes asexually doubling and redoubling while I'm not watching somewhere. But, listen, let me outline some good things before I go.
So, Lexi is out of the chair now and hopping around on crutches. Oh, you thought I just pulled out the ramp to add an additional fire-danger? Nah, she's doing awesome. She's really an example to me of effort and attitude. Thank goodness for Lexi, beca….wait, I spoke too soon, she's arguing with Isabelle about occupancy of one of the THREE bathrooms we have in this house. So, lucky for me, Stacey's upstairs listening to the Mormon Channel and the Tabernacle Choir is drifting over the banister and down into the bowels of the first level of Dante's Inferno. But here's the deal, I'm looking out the front window, and though all the colors in the tulips have now blended together into a simple pink and white flower set, the grass looks cool, and the world is full of promise. The tree looks a little happier, and the now flower-less daffodils are breathing a collective sigh of relief from lack of grass choking them. I've only got two or three sprinkler heads that are acting up this year, and I think I may just be able to get to them sometimes shy of next Fall to fix them.
Oh, and before we part, don't expect to hear too much for a while, I've got a week of school here mid-month in May, Quatro de Mayo to celebrate in the circle, and the last two weeks of June in school. Throw in a couple of drill weekends spread throughout and I'll see you in July sometime up at the lot I guess.
Before I forget, Stacey let me sleep in today and had three rolled up breakfast burritos for me that she brought upstairs. I don't deserve this gal I tell ya. Anyhow, I gotta split, the three year old needs the light on. I promise to be more positive next time. They can't all be gems. Anyhow you take care.
All the best.
J
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